Gamer's Glory - Reviews from the Commode

CURRENT TOP SHELF GAMES

Our Top Shelf games will always let you know what games stay in our systems long after the reviews are done, and are displayed with each post.

Xbox 360 Review - Bioshock
Bioshock appears to be your run-of-the-mill first person shooter, but it's got some extra kick to it. Notably are the rich environments and the interesting storyline. Now if you'd like to experience this game in all its glory, I'd say turn off the lights, put on the surround sound, and get high as a kite.

The game does a great job of immersing you in a strange world right away. In the very first minute, you are underwater, and you see purses and suitcases drift by you as you swim towards an eerie glow on the surface. You come to the surface to find yourself surrounded by the flaming wreckage of a plane crash, which is extremely impressively rendered. As you swim past it, the plane becomes more and more submerged and you swim towards a lighthouse.

Inside the lighthouse, you hear Bobby Darin's "Beyond the Sea" playing (the game got a lot of credit for that on there...) and take and elevator down...way down. You find yourself in the underwater city of Rapture, which acheives a cool feeling of both futuristic and retro 50's, combined with being an underwater city, this is one of the coolest and most original environments seen in recent games. Of course, Rapture was once a happy place for science, but things went bad and now there's mutants and giant drill robots and a host of other cool shit.

"So in what cool ways do I kill people?", I bet you're saying. Well, we're glad you asked. You inject yourself with stuff called ADAM, which can be aquired by killing mutants, and then with a wave of your hand, you can unleash lightning, fire, freezing cold...whatever...good times. You also have guns at your disposal like a good ol' shotgun and a fun-ass Tommy Gun. You have to combine the right abilities you unlock with the right guns and ...hell it gets a little confusing after a while but I guess I was GUI.

So let me round out this lazy little review here by saying this game is definitely cool...just trust us on this one, but if you're just looking to pick up a shooter and start blasting, this isn't the game for you.

StiffDrinks Rating:

8 Scotches out of 10

Public Privates

Jennifer Aniston Topless...Yo!?!?


Is this for real? Who cares...it's fantastic either way. There's a full video out there where these fine soldiers march proudly...we're at full attention.

Manly Movie Moment

We do this to strippers.

All I want for Christmas is Stiff Drinks!

WE'RE BACK! (Again.)


What's that? Happy Holidays!! Yep, your prayers have been answered, we're officially back, which means you're not only getting our gleaming personalities at your fingertips over the world wide interweb, but you'll be getting all of our regular posts:

Manly Movie Moment - We hand pick defining manly moments in cinema and serve it to you on a silver platter.
Manly Movie Reviews - Keeps you up to date on what sucks and what makes our loins quiver.
Public Privates - Displaying pictures of dumb famous girls who once said "now this is only for you..." to guys like us.
Hipster or Homeless? - A survey to see if you're actually edgy with those clothes or if the regular Joe can't tell you from a hobo.
Never on MTV - Badass Music Videos you won't see on MTV, because a) MTV's not cool, and b) they don't play music videos.
Four Horsemen Facts - Just little reminders of how stupid most of the folks around you are...amazing stuff.
MySpace Chick of the Day - A Stiff Drinks favorite...giving props to the best of the best C-teases out there.
MySpace Chump of the Day - Those toolbags you usually see commenting on the MySpace Chick of the Day wall, usually something to the effect of "Oh shit, girl, you can really work it, message me if you want an adventure."...
Gamer's Glory:Reviews from the Commode - Along with current game reviews, we'll display our "Top Shelf Games", which keeps you up to date with whats in our systems, other than heroin.

...and of course other random drabble that comes to our minds.

Well, who could ask for a better gift?


OK, you got us there.

Happy Holidays,
-The Staff of Stiff Drinks